Sparks

I’m daring myself to do shit that makes me cringe. Posting this picture does that for me. This past year I started shedding some stories I’ve been carting around about sexual expression and freedom. The conditioning I’ve had all my life created a perspective that only “loose” women allow themselves to be seen like this. In general the dialogue that runs is that it’s tacky, cheesy and promiscuous to show your sensual self to the world. ✨✨I’m done with all that and I am daring to take risks more and more. Shedding layers of perfectionism by purposely doing things to make myself uncomfortable. ✨✨Anyone care to join me and allow a new version to emerge by putting yourself out there in risky uncomfortable ways? It’s more fun with friends! Tag a brave and daring sister. And share something daring you have done recently that created exhilaration and freedom for you!//✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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@amandacarolinteriors posted these beautiful peonies today and it inspired me to create a gratitude list. On the other side of grief came gratitude. Thank you Amanda. And thank you life for asking me to go deeper and feel my feelings like never before. //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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In my busyness I’ve trained my grief to stay away. I don’t answer the door when it knocks because I’m too busy to invite it in to come and sit with me. Here and there it rings the doorbell but I move it along like a Mormon trying to save me from my sins-either ignoring it all together or shouting “I’m a pagan, leave me alone!”✨✨For all the times I looked away, for all the times I felt my gut wrench and my heart ache from seeing hatred but not speaking up, not feeling and expressing myself for fear of being too much, not having “boundaries”, from seeing the marginalization of people of color, inequity, cruelty, injustice, hatred and the innocents harmed- for all the times I turned away because the grief was too much-I finally opened the door all the way and it has moved in and taken up residence. ✨✨I don’t think it’s leaving until I fully acknowledge my broken heart. It has come to sit in my lap and it’s pissed off for all the times I turned away, ignored it, promised to deal with it later. Later is here. ✨✨It arrived on the wings of a pandemic and the transition of my beloved aunt and I’m going to be with it until it is satisfied that I’ve truly felt it. Allowed it. Nourished it.✨✨I have judged grieving as not ok. Made it mean I wasn’t strong. People feel sorry for us when we are grieving sometimes and it’s hard for me to feel their empathy which I make mean pity. I don’t want to be pitied. I want to be seen as strong, optimistic, a leader, I don’t need anyone! ✨✨What if instead I could allow this grief to be a super power? Let it move me through the rage so I can feel empowered to serve those who have not yet learned how to feel their feelings? ✨✨If enough of us feel free to express our rage and grief then we can use all that freed up energy to serve and lead others. ✨✨Self care first. Tag a sister or brother who are grieving and need to be witnessed and supported //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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When I had my Human Design chart done and read by Barbara Ditlow, I found it life affirming to realize that my design is to inspire others and create beauty and transformation of self and home. Teaching and inspiring, including and sharing comes to me naturally. But I can get tripped up by wanting those things to be perfect. My inner bully rails against me “someone might judge your videos” “you cant put that up, it’s too - fill in the blank” ✨✨It gets exhausting because eager me, excited me, just wants to share unedited but I can be so worried about judging myself that sometimes it paralyzes me. And other times I honestly don’t give two fucks. ✨✨Because I have an eye for detail and high standards I sometimes edit myself and stop putting out inspiring messages and self care practice tools. Then I feel the drain set in. If I’m not connecting and supporting others I begin to go internal and feel low energy. ✨✨A bed can feel welcoming and tidy if you simply pull the covers back. You don’t have to have hospital corners and perfectly tucked details. Sometimes done IS better than perfect.✨✨ My friend @kristina_aka_starla said this to me and it is becoming my new mantra. Maybe it will become yours too. Especially when your inner perfectionist is giving you a run for your money!✨✨Today I put up an Insta story that is unedited and sloppy as hell. I’m hoping I’m onto something that will create more spaciousness, freedom and creativity. //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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From @alexgreycosm who calls this day “Day of the Divine Feminine”...I love this. A reframe for a day where those who have complex relationships to the idea or experience of “mother” and where the concept may feel charged. It’s not all glory that’s for sure and for some it’s their everything. ✨✨All of it is included in the Divine Feminine for she is grit and grace and that feels right today✨✨In my own experience when I gave birth to our beloved children at home without drugs in a birthing tub, I fulfilled a dream of giving birth in a way that resonated with my values. Honoring my body’s wisdom and learning what I was capable of- tolerating pain without drugs. My body knew what to do. I deeply needed sovereignty and I got it. The experience gave me grit that I have called upon over and over again and allowed Scott and I to connect and gaze upon our new babies. So grateful I had that choice and I would definitely do it again! And I acknowledge that isn’t right for everyone but it was for us. //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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This is Oakland on a dewy spring morning. Before Shelter in Place I would have been too busy to come this far into the woods on a work day. It was transformative.//✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf #silverlining
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Here are some notes on navigating through and growing in a marriage...Yesterday I went on a short road trip with my husband. We went through so much emotional territory I feel like the journey was a month long. ✨✨Throughout the day I kept returning to this mantra “it’s all thought” (thank you @annascottcoaching ) and I know I create it. I am responsible ✨✨And I also know I have to feel it to heal it. (Thank you @drlizdobbins ) So after a rupture we experienced in our conversation, I opened my tool box and whipped out one of my more irreverent tools. It’s called swamping (thank you @mamagena ) The culture does not want to see a middle aged woman in her bathing suit on the edge of a river, grief crying and raging while moving her body in wild, wonderful ways. It’s too messy. Too MUCH! ✨✨Trust me, it takes practice but once you get the hang of it and stop giving two fucks you’ll love this one!✨✨ I’m not gonna lie though. It was rough. I so wanted to make him wrong. To punish him and protect my breaking heart. I was really believing my thoughts! I was totally in my survivor. I was WAY triggered. ✨✨But as I moved, breathed, released it all physically I felt the feelings shift. I saw what I saw, I could feel it alchemize into clarity. I could see something new. Better even. And then I led us into a new perspective from that clear place.✨✨Arriving at a new understanding and witnessing transformation in the moment was rewarding, relieving and productive. ✨✨I am so grateful for tools that help me shift from survival to sur-thrival. ✨✨And that is how growth happens. One messy, marvelous moment at a time. But it does take courage. We are taught not feel, not to express the mess but that is where the real magic happens. New emotional range, new life. ✨✨I’m looking for new accounts to follow who speak about emotional freedom. Who do you have for us? Tag ‘em so we can follow.//✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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I was taught from infancy that I had to do what others told me to do so when I started my interior design business i thought it made sense to keep doing that. It made sense at the time but it left me feeling exhausted and resentful. ✨✨We are beauty makers and business owners, not servants. We’re allowed to say no when it doesn’t work for us. ✨✨Mother Nature gave the rose a thorn and she gave us self governance. ✨✨It’s ok to say no when it doesn’t work for you. Just in case you need to be reminded. ✨✨Has there been a time in work or life when saying “no, I am not willing to discount” has set you free? Did you notice how much your inner child celebrated you taking care of you? ✨✨When I learned that skill it set me free. And my business grew. Go figure. Knowing our value is magnetic. People are drawn to us like we are to these beautiful roses. ✨✨Tag a sister who models healthy boundary setting so we can see a model of how it’s done. We learn and grown from watching others succeed. //✨#comehometoyourSelf ...

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You are breath taking. Beautiful. Unique. Just like this shimmery champagne tree. Just in case you forgot I want to remind you...✨✨We forget sometimes or if you’re like me - all the time! We all do. We slip into a trance of unworthiness and completely forget how miraculous we are. How enough we are. I wonder if that happens to this tree?✨✨This tree does not question its greatness but then again it doesn’t have a mind. ✨✨Scrolling through insta is fun if your feed is full of optimistic spirit junkies and it’s a great way to stay engaged but we also have to do behaviors to truly shift. Take action! ✨✨that’s what tools help us do. We can quickly pivot to a joy filled day by gladdening the mind with practices like gratitude, dancing 💃, working out, listening to music or offering service to a friend. ✨✨It’s amazing to feel that energy surge after using my tools. Instantly my self worth dials up and before I know it joy is back on board.✨✨How about you? What behaviors lead to lifting your spirits? Make a story and tag me so I can see! I need expanders too! We’re all in this together. //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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My goal is to live as much of my life in the light but let’s be clear. We all have shadows. They’re for reals. ✨✨The other day a dear friend said to me, “can I just be petty for a moment?” I said, “hell yeah girl, let it out!” And she did. She said, “I feel so competitive, so threatened, so unseen!” ( who doesn’t feel that way sometimes?!) Before she said it she was miserable. She was holding it in, clutching to her stories tightly. She was feeling shame and wrongness about her judgements and was feeling such a disconnection from her self. As soon as she let it out, witnessed it and was witnessed by me, her trusted sister, she was liberated. She felt like a new woman and in that moment she stepped into the light. The solution is always in the problem. And I declare that this is what it means to be a light worker. //✨✨
#comehometoyourSelf
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