Sex and pleasure! That is a forbidden topic!
If you know me, you know that I was raised Pentecostal. Pentecostals do not like us to talk about pleasure and sex and in fact, it is such a taboo topic, I still don’t talk about it easily, at 53 years old, even though I left that home almost 40 years ago.
That conditioning was so intense and so constant, those neural pathways were hard-wired into my brain. Any time I talk about sex and pleasure, I feel shame and embarrassment. So much so that even an outgoing audacious Divine Hustler such as myself really finds ways to not talk about it publicly, but I’m changing all of that, and here’s why:
I have discovered in the last couple of years, especially in the work I’ve done with Regina Thomashauer, Mama Gena, in the School of Womanly Arts, I have learned through that work that when I feel filled up and turned on and lit up from the inside, then I have so much more ME to give — to people, the world, my work, my community, my family.
How do we talk about what it means to be a turned on woman?
First of all, we don’t necessarily mean that we are sexually turned on.
Here’s the problem, we have been taught as women that our sex and pleasure are performative, to get something from men. And when that is the case, then it doesn’t belong to us. It belongs to someone outside of us. So we are drained by that paradigm, forever giving. However, when we are able to tap in truly to our own pleasure, our own turn on, we are sustained by it.
I’ve been shy about sharing the fact that I’ve discovered this path, this avenue back to myself through my own turn-on, of having a body temple that I take such exquisite care of, not for the approval of men, my husband, or anyone outside of me.
I truly have my body in amazing shape and looking the best I’ve looked maybe ever, at almost-age-54, because now I’m doing it through the lens of my own turn-on.
For example, in my daily rituals, preparing for the day, I have slowed that process down. I linger and spend time with myself. Instead of rushing headlong into the day, I do a little eye gazing in the mirror, I put lotion on sensually and softly, just for me. I nourish myself well, selecting and preparing produce with turned-on intention, rubbing oil on the kale… As I’ve found my own turn-on, I see opportunities to nourish it in all of my daily habits.
Nourishing turn-on translates into my work, as well, selecting beautiful fabrics and materials, finding vendors who manufacture products in a way that is part of the “slow movement,” items made with care and artistry — that brings me tremendous pleasure.
As we tap into the slowing down that is part the sensual pleasure of being a feminine woman, that practice makes us more empowered as beauty makers.
I hope you are seeing by now that pleasure isn’t just sex. It’s the sensual turn-on of consuming, enjoying, and revering. Being in your body, loving Mother Earth, loving your work. The art of being feminine and turned on is slowing down and appreciating what makes life so beautiful.